How to Treat Deep Wounds in Friendship

The moment you realize you have hurt someone whom you care about, there is this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and an ache that silently grows in the deepest part of your heart.  You question the "what if's" and "if only's", however, this does nothing to calm the tempest raging in your soul, as your normal day turns into the day you wish you could forget existed.  

Such was my experience this morning upon waking and realizing that I had caused great hurt to a friend.  Neglecting to invite this dear lady to a wedding shower that took place the previous evening.  Unfortunately, this was not just a social event but the shower of her future grand-daughter (in-law).  In the hurry and hush of throwing a surprise shower for the bride, this was a major oversight on my part and I knew that her heart would be broken.  I felt sick, it was my fault, I had unintentionally inflicted a wound upon my friend.

We often talk about how we are just "human" and we "all" make mistakes, however, it's not so easy to swallow, when it's your turn to make the mistake.  It is even harder when the misdeed is committed against you.  Wounds of the heart don't heal on their own they must be tended to and purposefully stitched back together in order to gain restoration.  This is often painful but always necessary!

With a heavy heart I picked up the phone and called her to admit my wrong and seek forgiveness. I was not prepared for the spirit with which my words were received. Not the spiteful words of an angry heart or the resentful words of a broken heart but the tender admission that the oversight hurt but all would be forgiven. Her response was full of graciousness, exemplifying one of the clearest examples of a Christ-like spirit that I have ever had the blessing of encountering.  She had every "right" to feel left out, hurt and angry with me and yet she chose to set aside those "rights" and extend to me undeserved forgiveness and even understanding.  Instead of tearing down the walls of our friendship and berating me, causing the wound to fester and grow, she chose to quickly grab a needle with thread and allow the Heavenly Father to stitch up her wounded spirit and restore our friendship.

Is there a wound currently festering in your heart?  Do you feel the pain and distress of betrayal? Maybe the sting of rejection or the disappointment of deceit?  You have a choice to make, and my prayer is that your choice will be the same as my dear friend, Alice.  That you might, with strength from above, accept with graciousness the sting of the needle, as you seek to restore the person who may have hurt you most and heal the wound from festering.  And maybe some day down the road when you are on the other side of the coin and realizing with remorse that you have done another wrong, the same courtesy might be extended to yourself!

You have a choice to make when you hurt someone: 

 

              1) Ignore the Situation - Hoping it goes away 
                  Result:  Never works! A wound unattended is left to fester and stink with infection.

     "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins,

and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  ~ I John 1:9

              2) Blameshift - It's always easier to pass the blame to someone else who may or 
                                          may not have been involved.
                   Result:  Loss of respect for you as a person

    "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth 

and forsaketh them shall have mercy. ~ Proverbs 28:13

               3) Take the Offensive - "I can't believe they would get upset over such a silly thing"
                   Result:  Only heaps coals of fire upon the offense, showing an unrepentant heart 
                                   full of pride

 "And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted. ~ Matthew 23:12

 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is 

not in us." ~ I John 1:8

                4) Humility - Accept Responsibility and Request Forgiveness
                     Result:  Leads to Restoration! It may just be a step towards healing but it reflects 

                                   your effort to right the wrong done against them.

 "But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, 

but giveth grace unto the humble." ~ James 4:6

You have a choice to make when someone hurts you:

               1) Ignore it - Burying it deep inside (sometimes this also involves ignoring any blame
                                      that you need to take responsibility for in the situation)
                   Result - The confidence you place in yourself to manage the pain with out dressing 
                                  the wound will surely lead to a nasty infection of bitterness.

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: 

that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive 

you your trespasses." - Mark 11:25

                2)  Spread it - You are hurting and angry and you want to let everyone else know what 
                                        an awful friend this person has been to you.  Instead of offering them                                                    the chance to make it right, you involve others.

                    Result:  You have spread the hurt, infecting those around you  

"A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth 

chief friends." ~ Proverbs 16:28 

                3) Retaliation - You wounded me and so now I will counter attack!
                     Result - Two wounded hearts.

'You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Revenge,-And-Retaliation#sthash.EaP6LSdJ.dpuf

'You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Revenge,-And-Retaliation#sthash.EaP6LSdJ.dpuf

'You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Revenge,-And-Retaliation#sthash.EaP6LSdJ.dpuf

'You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Revenge,-And-Retaliation#sthash.EaP6LSdJ.dpuf

"Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against thy people,

 but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: 

I am the Lord" ~ Leviticus 19:18

                4) Offer up Forgiveness - Sacrifice your own hurt feelings overcoming bitterness.
                    Result - Allows healing to begin and restoration can be found. Though a scar 
                                  may remain, the heart will gain normal functionality.

  "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another,

 if any man have a quarrel against any: 

even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye." ~ Colossians 3:13

Today the realization hit me, that it is in the face of our humanity, that life changing decisions are made. Decisions for or against integrity, morality, and spirituality. They may not seem all that grave, in the moment, but they set the course for our future path. We choose whether we will harbor unforgiveness, towards an offense that deeply wounded us, or pick up the needle and thread, allowing God to stitch up our pain and restore our damaged friendship.  Regardless of which side of the offense you find yourself on, don't leave a wound unattended, it will fester and create infection, that  not only destroys your relationships, but will lead to the death of your own gracious and forgiving spirit.