You've been cooking for 3 days, currently there are 7 people in your small kitchen and then Aunt Margaret walks in...here comes the third degree. "So what did you put in the potatoes? Did you thicken the gravy with flour or corn starch? Please make sure the basket of rolls is at the end of the food line not the beginning like last year". Everyone shares looks of annoyance, why does she have to be so picky?
Maybe she hates this as much as you do...if she's like me she does. I long for the days when I could go to a buffet and all I had to think about was not eating too much. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to NEED to know every ingredient in a food dish before tasting it? Then consider what it's like to go a church dinner or a holiday meal with family where everyone brings dishes and they fill up a big table with unknown ingredients. In case you were wondering...it's very stressful!
What you might not know about Aunt Margaret or that picky eater in your extended family is that one bite of that flour thickened gravy could make her sick within 5 minutes, ruining the rest of the evening for her but not just that, the affects could linger for the next 3-6 weeks, ONE BITE! Not cool! The other possibility is that she's a picky eater who has jumped on the gluten free fad diet for lunch while eating cake for dinner. Either way, isn't the holiday season a time of love and grace to others? So how can you be a blessing to those "picky eaters" that cross your path this holiday season?
1) Communicate with them - Ask questions and seek to understand what their needs are.
a. What ingredients do you need to stay away from? dairy, gluten, peanuts, tree nuts?
b. Which dishes are you concerned about? Can I help find out what's in it for you?
c Do you have to worry about cross contamination? (maybe you need to make sure that the dessert she brought doesn't get sliced with the same knife as all the other knives making it inedible for her)
d What happens if you accidently eat some? (sometimes it's nice to feel like someone cares about what you face)
e. Is there anything that I can do to make this meal easier for you?
A little compassion goes along way. No one wants to be treated as an unwanted guest and the majority of the time they wouldn't be picky about the food if it wasn't a real issue for them.
2) Don't PUSH food on them that you know they can't eat.
"Oh come on" says Uncle Bobby "one bite of cheesecake isn't going to kill you!"
"Yeah, I remember you used to eat that all the time growing up" your brother chimes in.
"Why does she have to be so picky, it's ridiculous!" says Mary
"Seriously, it always has to be about her" replies Joy.
"Um, there's no bread in pumpkin pie, what's the problem?"
"Don't worry we have both white and wheat rolls"
Names have been changed to protect the guilty but these are real comments said at real family dinners to and about my gluten free friends. If you are having a hard time understanding what the big deal is feel free to read my post "A day in the life of a Glutening"
https://precious4blessings.blogspot.com/2014/01/
3) Don't take it personally when they don't eat your food.
Some people get so sick from cross contamination that they won't eat any food that they haven't prepared themselves to be sure it won't make them sick. This can be frustrating and hard to understand when you have worked hard to prepare something allergen free just for them. However, if you stop for a moment to consider if your options were: a) Don't eat and get dirty looks or b) Eat and have the flu for three weeks, you might find yourself making the same choice.
3) Offer to let them go through the food line first.
At our church group and family functions we have those with food allergies go through the line first, because those who do not deal with allergies on a daily basis are not usually aware of the accidental cross contamination that takes place just while going through the line. Using the same tongs to pickup Doritos (gluten free) and BBQ chips (not gluten free). I mean they're right next to each other and that's easier then setting down the one pair and picking up another of the same thing.
I usually try to slip through the line and grab a plate while everything is being finished up so that everyone isn't waiting on me as I walk through asking questions. One of my favorite things to do when we have someone with us for the first time who is gluten free like me is to bring them through the line letting them know what is safe and unsafe for them. Do you know why I enjoy this so much? Because it's my least favorite thing to have to do on my own.
My family is very understanding and works hard to accommodate my frustrating needs because they know how sick I get, even still things can happen. This past Thanksgiving I went and spent an insane amount of money on a box of gluten free stuffing because it's been 3 years since I had stuffing and it's very hard to find. I made it in a separate pan and everyone was told about it, however, when the kids went through the line one of them accidently dropped a chunk of Stove Top's very gluten filled stuffing into my pan of safe gluten free stuffing. No one else noticed and thankfully I had already gone through and gotten my plate but it's things like that that can ruin a perfectly good meal for
the "picky eaters" like myself. Sometimes people don't realize that I have NO desire to be that annoying Aunt Margaret that questions everything, moves food around on the table and requests to grab their plate first. I would much prefer to enjoy the holidays without all the fuss but sometimes you just don't have that luxury and the people that are the biggest blessing are those who offer a friendly word or even look of encouragement as you wade through the waters of uncertain food options.
So remember to show some love to the "picky eaters" who cross your path this holiday.
