RELIEF - Finally I had ANSWERS to the questions I had been asking. Something that could explain the many health and allergy problems I have been experiencing for the past 3 years with no relief. What a blessing! An answer to hundreds of prayers! I have Celiac's Disease, an autoimmune disease that causes your body to produce antibodies to Gluten, a protein found in Wheat/Whey, Rye, Barley & Malt. Basically causing me to have an allergic reaction to Gluten. If you know someone who has been diagnosed with Celiac's on average it takes 10 years for a person to even have a doctor test them for it. Partially because the disease tends to cause other health problems and the doctor ends up focusing on treating those first without realizing the underlying cause for these problems could actually be Celiac's. Although it is an autoimmune disease it really is probably the best one to have because although it may not be curable it is definitely treatable simply by going Gluten Free! This takes effort/work on your part and has a huge learning curve but it is very doable.
So there, I have a disease and I am relieved...until the impact begins to set in and then I turn a corner to find my next emotion:
DENIAL - I do not need to go Gluten Free! I can't go Gluten Free! Gluten is in EVERYTHING! Maybe the test results were wrong or inconclusive. I should probably call my doctor again and make sure that I understood her correctly when she said I needed to adopt a gluten free diet and that she believed I would feel much better by doing so. She must not understand that I am a busy mom of four and I don't have the time or energy to make all my food from scratch. I like fresh buttered rolls and cheesecake, *french fries and mashed potatoes and pasta and eating out for convenience sake. No, this whole gluten free thing is really just a fade anyways right??? It can't be what's wrong with me.
*Just a note that there is no gluten in mashed potatoes or french fries (unless they are cooked in contaminated oil) but at the time of my diagnosis I didn't fully understand what did and didn't contain gluten and I thought I must say goodbye to them forever along with everything else good in my life ;)
At that point my husband yanked the wheel away from me and brought me back to the hard reality...I do not get to choose whether or not I have Celiac's Disease. I was born with a gene for it and after giving birth to my fourth precious baby (our Adorable Annabunkin) the hormonal changes I went through must have tripped that gene into action beginning this tirade of health issues. After seeking for 3 years this was an answer...it was a blessing remember! So what do I do now? Acceptance...nope, not yet, first I ran to this emotion:
OVERWHELMED - I can not handle this right now (as if I could pick a better time later). This is when the tears came! It's time to cry like only a woman can cry. And I did just that, I cried for fear of the unknown, fear that I wouldn't be able to figure things out, fear that I would have to eat dry fake bread and hummus for the rest of my life. Have you ever been there before? Overwhelmed by a health problem or maybe a life circumstance like losing your job or another car repair? It happens to the best of us and it's okay. That's when I got to just melt in my husband's arms and pray to our father above, first thanking him for an answer to prayer and second begging him for the strength and peace I needed to move on from this emotion.
God being the ever faithful Father did just that, he granted me the peace that everything would indeed be alright and just like every other crisis I have faced in life big and small He would see me through it. With His grace I was able to move onto the next emotion:
ACCEPTANCE - I can do this! I will survive this bump in the road and I will ask God to open the door for me to be able to glorify Him through this. Once you hit this emotion you begin to accept that things will be different from here on out but that's okay and different doesn't mean bad, miserable, dreadful etc. It just means not the same as before.
Reaching ACCEPTANCE brought a new cascade of emotions:
JOY (we forget that joy is not based on our circumstances but on where we put our focus)
THANKFULNESS (that I am okay and I have a great support system in family and church)
RELIEF (remember I have an answer for all the craziness)
PEACE (everything will be okay)
LOVE (for life)
EXCITEMENT (to learn all about this condition)
Does this mean that I will never feel OVERWHELMED by my disease again....NO, it doesn't even mean that I can make it a whole day without having moments of feeling overwhelmed! However, if I continue to take it a day at a time, trusting God to give me what I need for each day I will be able to overcome the difficulties of this little disease and live a better healthier life for the body God gave me!
Psalm 91:1-4
He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High
shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD,
He is my refuge and my fortress:
my God; in him will I trust.
Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler,
and from the noisome pestilence
He shall cover thee with his feathers,
and under his wings shall thou trust:
his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
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